These Advice shared by My Parent Which Rescued Me during my time as a New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk among men, who still absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."